ODD PARCEL POSTAL SERVICE · PARLOUR GAMES DIVISION · KIT Nº 003
The Midwinter Social Club
A complete Christmas dinner party, posted flat in sixteen printable pages. You supply the table, the gravy and the relatives; the office supplies everything that goes on it.
instant download · print at home forever · 14-day refund, no interrogation
A look at the pages
Actual pages from the kit, not mockups.
Inside the parcel
Sixteen pages, every one of them art-directed rather than clip-arted.
The Official Programme
Host instructions written as postal regulations, with a timeline for the evening. Regulation 1: no Midwinter Feast shall proceed without a surplus of potatoes. A sufficiency is not a surplus.
Invitations
Two to a sheet, in a double-ruled postal frame, with blanks for date, time, address and what to bring. “You are summoned to a Midwinter Feast. Attendance is expected. Appetite is mandatory.”
The Midwinter Offices
Eight fold-tent place cards that don't just name a guest — they appoint one. Keeper of the Gravy, Warden of the Thermostat, Minister of Crackers, Inspector of Potatoes, Comptroller of the Playlist, Registrar of Toasts, Custodian of the Remote, and The Understudy, who assumes any office whose holder falls asleep.
Game one — The Register of Unclaimed Parcels
Eight parcel cards. Each guest becomes a parcel that never reached anybody, with a shipping label, three things heard rattling inside, and one Secret Contents sealed at the foot. The table interrogates each parcel with yes-or-no questions; whoever guesses the contents claims it, and with it the last roast potato.
Game two — Midwinter Bingo
Six differently shuffled 4×4 boards of the things statistically certain to happen: a cracker joke landing in total silence, the thermostat adjusted without consultation, someone asleep before nine, a gift visibly re-gifted, a battery required that nobody has.
The Midwinter Address
A five-minute read-aloud speech for the host, with stage directions, delivered in the manner of a man reading a weather report he does not believe. It ends by summoning the food, so have the food ready.
Menu card and dish tags
A framed menu page for the courses, and cut-out tags for the dishes and drinks, punched to tie on with string.
Certificates of Survival
Two to a sheet, awarded at dessert: this certifies that ______ discharged the Office of ______ with a competence best described as ______, and returned with their dignity approximately intact.
How it works
Pay $14 at the counter. The PDF arrives immediately — no waiting, no shipping, no customs.
Print what you need on ordinary paper. Every page is set for US Letter and prints cleanly on A4 without cropping anything that matters.
Cut the place cards, parcel cards and dish tags along their lines, and fold the place cards so they stand. Scissors help; nothing needs lamination.
Reprint it next Christmas, and the one after. The file is yours and it does not expire.
Not sure yet? Print two of the bingo boards free — no email, no account. They're cut from this kit, and the six inside are shuffled differently again.
Questions the window gets asked
What do I actually need?
A printer — yours, a friend's, or the corner print shop's — and ordinary paper. Scissors for the cards. Nothing else.
Letter or A4?
Both. Choose “fit to page” if your printer is the anxious sort.
How many guests does it cover?
Eight offices, eight parcel cards, six bingo boards. Comfortable for six to eight at the table, and everything reprints as often as you like.
Is it rude? There will be children present.
It is dry rather than blue. The jokes are about thermostats, gravy and re-gifting — the sort of thing that goes over a child's head and lands squarely on an adult's. Nothing in it needs hiding.
Will it drink all my ink?
Less than you'd think — it's mostly type on cream. If your cartridge is nervous, print the bingo boards and place cards in draft mode; the ceremony survives intact.
What if it disappoints?
Regulation 9: refunded within fourteen days, no interrogation. Write to post@oddparcel.com.
sixteen pages · instant download · yours to reprint forever
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